Dear Abby: I am 40, pregnant with my fourth child and secretly hoping to miscarry

Struggling with an Unplanned Pregnancy

A 40-year-old reader reaching out to Dear Abby finds herself in a heart-wrenching position: she is six weeks pregnant with her fourth child and feeling overwhelmed. While this baby represents a new chapter in her second marriage, she admits to feeling emotionally and mentally unequipped for the journey. Despite the excitement from her husband and her older children, she feels isolated and unable to express her true feelings, even secretly wishing for a different outcome.

Abigail Van Buren acknowledges the deep difficulty of not being able to confide in a spouse. However, she offers a critical piece of advice: seek professional help immediately. The columnist suggests that the reader may be experiencing prepartum depression—a condition often overlooked—and encourages her to speak with her doctor to secure the emotional support necessary for this challenging time.

Supporting a Friend Through Grief

In a separate inquiry, a 35-year-old man navigating his own adoption journey reached out for guidance on how to support a close college friend who is grieving a miscarriage. Struck by his friend’s pain, the reader expressed concern about balancing his own life changes with the need to be a supportive presence.

Abigail Van Buren emphasizes that the reader's empathy is a strength. She notes that standard etiquette suggests sending a thoughtful condolence card or a note of sympathy to the couple. Beyond the formal gesture, she encourages him to simply reach out, offer support, and maintain communication as his friend navigates her recovery.

More from Dear Abby

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.