Miss Manners: Was my mother wrong about not clapping at solemn Memorial Day observances?
A reader questions whether their mother was mistaken about not clapping at Memorial Day observances after witnessing everyone else applaud the speakers and chat casually afterward.
Liam Carter 
At 205focus.com, we believe etiquette still has a place in our modern world. Recently, a reader wrote to Miss Manners questioning whether their mother was incorrect in asserting that clapping is inappropriate at solemn Memorial Day observances. The reader noted that, contrary to their mother's traditional instruction, others at a recent event applauded speakers and engaged in casual chatter as the ceremony concluded.
Respect Versus Approval
Miss Manners clarifies that the mother was not mistaken; rather, the general public often confuses respect with approval. Modern society is increasingly driven by a show-business mentality where we view ourselves as either performers or audience members. In this context, applause has become a reflex to show appreciation for an effort to entertain or enlighten.
However, solemn and ceremonial occasions are not intended for our personal approval. Traditionally, silence was observed at funerals, memorial services, and even weddings. Miss Manners notes that people have become accustomed to stamping a digital 'like' on everything, and they have brought that same habit into our in-person rituals.
Navigating Professional Disrespect
In a separate inquiry, a reader shared frustration regarding an online exercise class for veterans. As the only woman in the group, the reader noted that the female host addresses the men using 'Mr.' while referring to the reader by her first name. The reader questioned whether this reflects a lack of respect, subconscious bias, or gender-based distancing.
Miss Manners offers a practical, non-snarky perspective: the host may simply be uncertain about which honorific—Miss, Ms., or Mrs.—the reader prefers and is hesitant to guess. Rather than resorting to a passive-aggressive screen name change, Miss Manners suggests including your preferred honorific or rank directly in your screen name. Should the host inquire, a polite, clear response such as, 'I just noticed that you prefer to call people by their last names, so I wanted to alert you to mine,' should rectify the situation.
Connect with Miss Manners
Do you have a question about decorum? You can submit your queries to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, via email at dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or by writing to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
