Asking Eric: Retired parents feel guilty they’re comfortable while their kids pinch pennies

After decades of diligent work and disciplined saving, a pair of retirees finally reached their goal of traveling the world. They have been retired for just over three years and have spent that time exploring new destinations. However, their enjoyment is being dampened by a persistent sense of guilt regarding their two adult children, who are currently living paycheck-to-paycheck.

The Guilt of Financial Stability

The parents shared their dilemma with advice columnist R. Eric Thomas, noting that while they are not wealthy, their financial adviser has assured them they are on solid ground as long as they stick to their budget. Despite this, the mother admitted she often avoids discussing their trips in detail to avoid appearing as though she is flaunting their stability while their children struggle.

The parents expressed concern that their children might believe the travel funds should instead be used to provide them with financial assistance. To manage this internal conflict, they sought advice on how to stop feeling guilty about the rewards of their lifelong labor.

Communication and New Perspectives

Eric points out that this guilt often stems from an internal narrative that may not reflect the children's actual feelings. He suggests the parents give themselves and their children the gift of honesty by asking a simple question: "This is the story that’s in my head; does it match what’s in yours?"

By directly asking their children if the travel causes resentment, the parents can stop guessing and start listening. Eric notes that the children may actually find joy in hearing about the adventures, seeing them as a well-deserved reward for years of sacrifice. Furthermore, the parents' financial success can serve as an invaluable example of what is possible through long-term planning.

More from Asking Eric

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If you have questions for R. Eric Thomas, you can reach him via email at eric@askingeric.com or by mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. You can also follow his work on Instagram or sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.