Dear Abby: My son and daughter-in-law ignored relatives at a family gathering
I recently hosted a family gathering that included my adult cousin and his wife, who live locally, and my son, daughter-in-law and their son, who traveled from Georgia to Pennsylvania to visit
Liam Carter 
Host family gatherings can sometimes be a recipe for stress, as one reader recently discovered. While hosting local cousins alongside a son and daughter-in-law visiting from out of state, the experience turned sour due to some rather cold behavior.
A Disappointing Display
The writer, feeling embarrassed, noted that their son—a neurosurgeon—and daughter-in-law—a nurse practitioner—were disengaged and checked out. Instead of mingling with family they rarely see, the couple spent the gathering glued to their phones, appearing bored and eager to depart. When the host reached out the following day to express hurt feelings, the messages were met with total silence.
Finding Perspective
Abby suggests that while the rudeness is inexcusable, the host should avoid turning that frustration inward. Unless there was a professional emergency or a lack of warning about the guest list, the behavior simply points to a lack of consideration. The best advice is to stop seeking validation from a wall of silence.
Managing Past Hurt
In another letter, a sibling struggles with reconciling at family events after a brother stole irreplaceable jewelry years ago. Despite his 30 years in recovery, the betrayal remains fresh. Abby advises against cutting oneself off from the broader family circle. Instead, she suggests keeping a polite, professional distance at events, focusing on loved ones, and avoiding the inevitable conflict that comes from confronting someone who may never provide the apology being sought.
More Advice
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
