Miss Manners: My in-laws ignored my dramatic weight loss and now I’m furious
A woman is hurt and angry that her arrogant brother-in-law and sister-in-law didn’t comment on her substantial weight loss during a family dinner, and she wants to avoid seeing them in the future.
Liam Carter 
It is a delicate social tightrope: dealing with family dynamics when expectations of recognition go unmet. In a recent column for 205focus.com, Judith Martin—better known as Miss Manners—tackled a reader’s frustration regarding a family dinner where her significant weight loss went entirely unacknowledged by her brother-in-law and his wife.
The Silent Treatment
The reader explained that after overcoming a period of illness, she reached a healthier weight and was surprised when her in-laws failed to comment on the visible change during a visit with her mother-in-law. Compounded by a history of what she described as an arrogant demeanor from her brother-in-law, the reader found the silence hurtful and expressed a desire to distance herself from them.
Miss Manners was quick to challenge the reader's perspective. She questioned the logic of expecting an 'arrogant know-it-all' to offer praise regarding one's physical appearance. Miss Manners advised against creating unnecessary friction with her good-natured husband, emphasizing that he deserves credit for maintaining peace rather than escalating trivial conflicts.
Managing Nosy Inquiries
In the same installment, another reader reached out regarding the intrusive questions that often follow weight loss. The 42-year-old correspondent explained that while her healthy lifestyle changes with her son have paid off, she is frequently accosted by coworkers who assume she is using weight-loss drugs. Even after denying such claims, she finds herself met with skepticism.
Miss Manners provided a clear directive: one is under no obligation to justify personal health choices to others. The columnist noted that it is inherently rude for people to demand such information, and the reader should not feel compelled to provide further proof. Her advice is to acknowledge the 'compliment' and simply refuse to engage when the line of questioning becomes intrusive.
Connect with Miss Manners
If you have questions about social etiquette or difficult family dynamics, you can reach out for advice through the official channels:
- Visit missmanners.com
- Postal mail: Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106
