Dear Abby: More than 40 years later, I want to apologize for a hurtful lie from childhood
A woman in her 50s remains haunted by her role in spreading hurtful rumors in elementary school. She wants to know whether reaching out to apologize after more than 40 years would be appropriate.
Liam Carter 
A reader writing to Dear Abby is grappling with a heavy secret from her past. Now in her 50s, the correspondent remains haunted by her role in spreading malicious, false rumors about two classmates during her elementary school years.
Seeking Closure After Four Decades
The writer explains that when the situation originally unfolded, she ended up taking the fall for the rumor, which led to her being ostracized by her peers. Shortly after the fallout, her family relocated, severing her connection to the school and those involved. Despite more than 40 years passing, the regret remains fresh.
She is now considering tracking down the two individuals she hurt to offer a formal apology. Her primary concern is that such an outreach might be perceived as strange or unnecessary after such a significant amount of time has elapsed.
Abby's Perspective
Abigail Van Buren offers a straightforward assessment of the situation. She notes that the burden of the lie should have been shared by everyone who participated, not just the reader. For those struggling with past mistakes, Abby suggests that reaching out is a valid path forward—provided it is done for the right reasons.
"By all means reach out and apologize if you can track down the people you hurt," she advises. However, she stresses an important caveat: the goal should be to clear one's own conscience, and it must be done without any expectation of receiving forgiveness in return.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
