Asking Eric: Family members keep to themselves at gatherings
A parent is bothered that a daughter‑in‑law, granddaughter, and fiancé isolate themselves during family dinners and wonders whether to address the behavior or let it be.
Liam Carter 
It is a frustration shared by many family hosts: the dinner table is full, but the conversation is fragmented. A reader recently wrote to R. Eric Thomas expressing concern over a group of family members—a daughter-in-law, a granddaughter, and the granddaughter’s fiancé—who consistently isolate themselves at gatherings.
Navigating Family Dynamics
According to the reader, this trio typically retreats to the end of the table during family meals, engaging only with one another. The behavior often continues after dinner, as they remain in the dining room or congregate on the sofa to chat or use their phones, rather than mixing with the rest of the group. The parent finds this habit rude, worrying that the daughter-in-law is setting a poor social example for the younger generation.
Finding a Path Forward
In his response, R. Eric Thomas suggests a more measured approach than outright confrontation. He notes that the trio's behavior could simply stem from a tight bond, or perhaps the fiancé feels more comfortable staying close to the family members he knows best. Rather than accusing them of being impolite, Thomas recommends extending an open, welcoming invitation.
If you want to pull them into the fold, try asking, “I’ve noticed you don’t talk very much to the whole group. I want to make sure you’re comfortable joining in if you want. Is there something I can do to help?” It is important to remember that some people struggle with large group settings and prefer one-on-one interactions. By focusing on your genuine desire to get to know them better—rather than criticizing their social habits—you can create a warmer environment for everyone.
More from R. Eric Thomas
You can find more insight from the author by checking out Asking Eric and other advice columns curated for 205focus.com readers.
Have a question for the column? Send it to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or mail to P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. You can also follow his updates on Instagram or sign up for his newsletter at rericthomas.com.
