Asking Eric: After getting cash to help with basic training expenses, enlistee drops out
A group questions whether a young man should return cash gifts after backing out of military enlistment and reframing the celebration as a graduation party.
Liam Carter 
In this installment of Asking Eric, R. Eric Thomas addresses two readers wrestling with the complexities of etiquette, gift-giving, and shifting expectations.
The Case of the Re-purposed Party
A frustrated family member wrote in after a relative backed out of Marine Corps enlistment less than 24 hours after a party was held in his honor. Attendees had contributed cash specifically to assist with basic training expenses, but the family was surprised when the celebration was retroactively rebranded as a high school graduation party, and the enlistee kept the funds.
While Eric notes that it feels audacious to change the nature of a gift after the fact, he offers a grounded perspective. Although the enlistee isn't heading to basic training, his next chapter—whether it involves further education or entering the workforce—will still require capital. However, Eric reminds the disgruntled donors that they are not obligated to support the young man's financial needs. His advice? If the change of circumstances truly bothers you, you have every right to ask for your money back.
Gratitude and the 'ATM' Mentality
The second letter highlights a clash between generational norms and modern communication. A 73-year-old reader expressed frustration that young people today often fail to acknowledge gifts, noting that she has been chastised for ceasing her generosity toward relatives over 15 who never offer a "thank you."
Eric sides with the reader, emphasizing that manners haven't gone out of style. He asserts that 15 is plenty old enough to practice basic gratitude and communication. "Relationships, especially with older relatives, aren't ATMs," Eric writes. He encourages the reader to hold her ground and stop rewarding the lack of basic acknowledgment.
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Send your own questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. You can follow him on Instagram or sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
