Dear Abby: My sober husband still rages at me and my family after 12 years of marriage
A woman says her sober alcoholic husband argues constantly and treats her family badly. She is considering divorce and wonders if she is wrong for putting her kids and grandkids first.
Liam Carter 
In this edition of Dear Abby, a reader faces a difficult crossroads after 12 years of marriage to a husband who, despite being sober for several years, continues to exhibit volatile behavior and anger issues. The wife, who shares her life with a man who allegedly struggles with the lasting effects of military service and poor health, describes a household filled with constant arguments. She is now considering divorce due to the way he treats her family, though he notably steers clear of her son.
Prioritizing Family
The writer is caught in a tug-of-war, balancing her marriage against her dedication to her children and grandchildren. She remains committed to supporting her son, a truck driver, and her daughter-in-law, a social worker and Army Reservist. When asked if she is wrong for putting her family first, Abby provides a clear perspective: the husband appears to be a dry drunk—someone who stopped drinking but failed to address the underlying issues. Abby confirms she is not wrong for seeking a life free of verbal abuse and advises her to consult a family law attorney to protect herself and her loved ones.
Addressing Past Regrets
The column also features a separate inquiry from a man in Missouri who has struggled to reconnect with his adult children after a lifetime of complicated family dynamics. Despite maintaining 21 years of sobriety, he finds himself alienated by stories from his past. Abby acknowledges that while his ex-wife may have her own motives for rehashing old tales, his children may still be processing memories of his earlier years. She encourages him to reach out and explicitly express that he is no longer the man he once was, while also advising him to seek new social connections to avoid the dangers of isolation.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
