Dear Abby: The man who abandoned our family now wants back in, and my sons are divided
A woman says her ex-husband, who left the family years ago, is trying to reinsert himself after being widowed. His renewed contact is straining boundaries and creating conflict between her two adult sons.
Liam Carter 
A reader, writing in to 205focus.com, is facing a difficult family dilemma. After 39 years of marriage, her ex-husband, Morris, left the family in 2010 following an affair. Morris, who struggled with alcohol and poor financial habits, eventually remarried. While his ex-wife and their two sons, Justin and his younger brother, initially felt deep resentment, they moved on and limited their contact with him to only a couple of times a year.
The Return of an Absent Father
Following the recent death of his second wife, Morris is now seeking to reconnect with his family. Despite his 10 years of sobriety in AA, the family has no desire to welcome him back into their lives. The situation has become increasingly strained as Morris, who is retired and lonely, has begun bombarding the older son, Justin, with excessive daily communication. This behavior is now threatening the stability of Justin's new marriage, while creating a growing rift between the two brothers, who remain divided on how to handle their father's attempts to move closer.
Expert Advice from Dear Abby
Abigail Van Buren offers firm guidance to the family: they are not obligated to manage Morris’ loneliness or depression. She emphasizes that Morris’ current circumstances are not their responsibility, especially considering his history of abandonment. Abby warns that if Justin does not set firmer boundaries, the situation risks causing significant damage to his own marriage. She suggests that Morris seek support through his AA community rather than relying on the family he previously deserted.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
