Miss Manners: Friends keep rescheduling our plans when something more fun comes up

It is a frustrating social dilemma that many have faced: you make plans, accommodate a reschedule, and then get hit with a last-minute cancellation because a 'better' offer popped up for the other party. As 205focus.com explores the etiquette of these situations, we look at the advice from Judith Martin, also known as Miss Manners.

The Situation

A reader recently reached out to Miss Manners after a frustrating experience with a casual acquaintance. The couple had originally set a 7 p.m. dinner reservation, only to have the friends ask to push it back to 8 p.m. to accommodate a tree-trimming party. The reader graciously adjusted their schedule to make it work.

However, the situation went south when the friends canceled altogether the day before the dinner, citing a last-minute invitation to a 50th birthday party. The reader felt this behavior was incredibly rude, especially since they had already bent over backward to accommodate the first schedule change.

How to Handle the Repeat Offenders

The reader asked how to handle the situation moving forward, especially since these friends keep reaching out to reschedule. According to Miss Manners, there wasn't much to do in the moment other than quietly seethe and decide not to make future plans with them. She notes that if you had been charged a fee by the restaurant for the cancellation, you would be well within your rights to hold the friends accountable for those costs.

When these friends reach out again, Miss Manners suggests a pointed response to address their unreliable social habits: 'We would love to, but your social calendar seems to be constantly evolving — and we don’t want to get in your way.'

Get Advice

Have a question about etiquette? You can reach out to Miss Manners through her website at missmanners.com, via email at dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.