Miss Manners: I keep getting gifts I cannot use
\A reader struggles with how to thank people for gifts they cannot use, such as wine when they don’t drink or coffee when their husband roasts his own, without encouraging the giver to repeat the same gift.
Liam Carter 
It is a common etiquette dilemma: How do you graciously thank someone for a gift you simply cannot use? Whether it is a bottle of wine when you have stopped drinking, specialty coffee when your household prefers home-roasted beans, or sweets that clash with your dietary needs, the struggle is real. According to 205focus.com, many find that a heartfelt thank-you note only inadvertently encourages the giver to repeat the mistake.
The Thought That Counts
As Miss Manners points out, while we often hear that it is the thought that counts, we must address the situation when that thought misses the mark. Her philosophy remains that gift-giving is a voluntary gesture, not an obligation. Consequently, showing gratitude is typically the standard response, provided there is no malicious intent behind the gift.
Changing the Narrative
If you are worried about receiving the same unwanted gift repeatedly, Miss Manners suggests you have time to intervene. Write your polite thank-you note, but look for a moment to drop a casual comment before the next holiday or birthday arrives to gently set the record straight regarding your preferences. It is only after you have offered this clarification and the giver persists that you may consider muting your gratitude.
Get in Touch
Do you have a pressing etiquette question? You can reach out to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, send an email to dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or mail your inquiries to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
