Asking Eric: Adult children put distance between themselves and mother

In this installment of Asking Eric, columnist R. Eric Thomas addresses two readers navigating complex family dynamics and the need for emotional boundaries.

Navigating Distant Relationships

Granny Alone, a reader who has maintained a strong bond with her two adult children throughout a difficult divorce, finds herself struggling with unexpected distance. Her daughter, who has become close with her father’s side of the family, has requested no communication, while her son prefers only seasonal visits. Feeling isolated, Granny Alone asks how to rebuild these connections and find purpose.

Thomas acknowledges the heavy emotional toll of these circumstances. He encourages the reader to focus on her own well-being, noting that she has the agency to move to a new location if it improves her quality of life, regardless of her son's visitation preferences. To address the fractured relationships, Thomas suggests writing letters to her children that clearly outline her feelings and her desire for a healthier dynamic. He also emphasizes the importance of building a support system through volunteer work, faith communities, or local senior centers to combat loneliness while waiting for potential progress with family.

Setting Boundaries with Family

A second reader, Not Ready to Make Nice, reaches out regarding a tense relationship with her sister-in-law, Betty. The pair were once close, but past jealousy and perceived criticism created a rift. After experiencing a recent mental health breakdown, the reader is overwhelmed and lacks the capacity to reconcile, despite Betty’s recent attempts to reconnect.

Thomas advises the reader to be proactive to prevent the situation from escalating into a larger family conflict. By reaching out to Betty directly—acknowledging her efforts while clearly explaining that she lacks the current emotional capacity to sustain a friendship—the reader can manage expectations honestly. Thomas notes that setting this boundary is not only an act of self-preservation but can also serve as a necessary tool for the other person to understand the reader's current needs.

More from R. Eric Thomas

Read more Asking Eric and other advice columns on 205focus.com.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.