Asking Eric: Close friend follows extremist groups online

Dear Eric: A close friend of 50 years has spent decades echoing my political views in both word and deed. She has been an enthusiastic participant in my advocacy efforts and even frequently complained about her husband’s opposing political stance, suggesting at times that the friction was enough to potentially end their marriage. That is why I was floored to discover on Instagram that she follows roughly 1,200 accounts, a significant number of which are extremist groups representing the exact opposite of what she has led me to believe.

While she is entitled to her private beliefs, I feel deeply betrayed by this long-standing facade. I no longer feel comfortable sharing details about my life, as I fear these groups would reject the very people I care about most. I am left wondering if anything she has told me is true, and I fear our friendship is beyond repair. Should I confront her about this deception, or should I keep the peace and maintain a superficial connection while avoiding the topic of politics entirely? – Shocked Friend

The Response

Dear Friend: It is vital to remember that social media does not always reflect reality, though following 1,200 political accounts is certainly a conscious choice. When digital evidence contradicts what you believe to be true about someone—especially in an era where AI influence is growing rapidly—it is wise to check in with the actual human being before making a final decision.

Before you sever a five-decade friendship, try asking non-accusatory questions. You might say, “I noticed you follow a large number of extremist groups, and I was surprised given our history. Can you help me understand?” It is possible she is simply “keeping tabs” on the opposition, or perhaps your suspicions are correct. Regardless, approach her with curiosity and let the conversation dictate your next move.

A Question of Boundaries

Dear Eric: My girlfriend (30) and I (35) are at odds over her neighbor. She is friendly with a man in her apartment building, and they exchange pleasantries in the halls. I have asked her to stop, but she refuses. Am I wrong? – One-woman Man

Dear Man: Yes, you are. Do not attempt to police your girlfriend, especially regarding who she says hello to. The tension here stems from your own sense of security, not her actions. While feeling insecure is not a crime, it can be toxic to a relationship. Focus on identifying what you personally need to feel safe, or consider taking a break from the relationship to work on yourself. Your girlfriend has made it clear that your request feels disrespectful. Pay less attention to hallway small talk and more attention to what she is telling you.

Read more: Check out more from Asking Eric and other advice columns hosted on 205focus.com.

Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or via mail to P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow his updates on Instagram or subscribe to his newsletter at rericthomas.com.