Asking Eric: Long-term boyfriend wants to leave everything to his ex
A woman feels hurt and undervalued after learning her long-term partner plans to prioritize his estranged wife financially, despite her years of support and shared life with him.
Liam Carter 
When Long-Term Love Feels Undervalued
In this week's column, R. Eric Thomas addresses a reader feeling sidelined after 18 years in a committed relationship. After entering a relationship with a man separated from his wife, the reader has supported him for nearly two decades while his estranged wife remained in the home he built. Now facing a potential health crisis, the partner has suggested that if he passes away, the reader should pack up her belongings while splitting their shared assets with his ex—a woman who continues to receive his financial support.
The reader is left feeling hurt, especially as she has contributed to their shared life while his ex has not. Eric validates her concerns, noting that the partner's approach is not only emotionally crushing but poses a significant risk to the reader's own financial stability. Eric suggests she seek legal counsel to clarify property rights and strongly encourages professional counseling to address the deeper cracks in their relationship dynamics.
Navigating Estate Planning with Estranged Family
In a second letter, an 80-year-old reader faces a different kind of tension regarding estate planning. While she and her husband have worked to divide their assets between their respective children, the wife wishes to leave a small token inheritance to her own children, despite their current estrangement. Her husband, however, is adamantly opposed, viewing the children as undeserving because they were not present during her life.
Eric advises the reader that while she and her husband are partners, they maintain distinct relationships with their children. The responsibility to define the meaning behind her legacy rests with her, not her husband. He suggests that rather than relying solely on the inheritance itself to speak for her, she should reach out to her children directly to communicate her intentions while she still has the chance.
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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
