Asking Eric: When one-sided friendships need space
A reader suggests that some unbalanced friendships persist because one person misses cues that the other wants distance, and advocates stepping back to let the relationship reset or fade naturally.
Liam Carter 
Dear Eric: We often see letters from readers struggling with one-sided friendships, such as the individual known as “Uncelebrated,” who dealt with friends failing to acknowledge a major life event like a cancer battle. These situations often involve a lopsided investment of time and energy that persists for years. Many people overlook two crucial explanations: the fundamental difference between introverted and extroverted personalities, and the simple reality that some individuals may not enjoy the company of the person reaching out and would prefer to step back.
It often feels like the person seeking distance—or the one uninterested in continuing the connection—is never given the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, the person on the other end just can’t seem to take a hint.
While you have previously suggested putting a friendship to bed by stepping back and allowing the other person to make the next move, I believe this is a vital strategy. For an introvert, a year of silence might feel like a short time, whereas it feels like an eternity for an extrovert. Stepping back allows the relationship to either reset or fade naturally.
Dear Space: I appreciate this perspective, but I often advise those who want to end a relationship to be direct. A hint is rarely an effective answer. Relationships frequently suffer from the same communication breakdowns seen on game shows like “Password,” where players struggle to decode one-word clues. Because we aren't inside each other's heads, miscommunication is common.
If you are an introvert needing space, I encourage you to state it clearly so your intentions aren't misunderstood. Conversely, if you feel confused by someone's behavior, it is better to ask for clarity than to let a narrative build in your mind. While giving someone space is a valid choice, we often achieve better results by telling them, “I’m sensing that you need space. I’m going to honor that. But let me know if I’ve guessed incorrectly.”
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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
