Dear Abby: Woman feels like a third wheel when friend’s girlfriend visits her home
A woman says her husband’s work friend’s girlfriend ignores both her and her own boyfriend while focusing all her attention on the woman’s husband. The situation has become more upsetting now that the girlfriend is looking for a place to live nearby.
Liam Carter 
When you invite friends over, the last thing you expect is to feel like an outsider in your own living room. One woman reached out to Dear Abby for guidance after a husband’s work friend, whom she calls Jon, brought a girlfriend who seems intent on making her husband the sole focus of her attention. Not only does she ignore the host and her boyfriend, but she also insists on the husband’s help in the kitchen and creates exclusive inside jokes, leaving the wife feeling sidelined and uncomfortable.
Setting Boundaries at Home
The situation has escalated as the girlfriend considers moving just two minutes away, a prospect that has the frustrated homeowner seeking a solution. Abigail Van Buren’s advice is direct: it is time to have a serious conversation with your spouse. Point out that the behavior is disrespectful to both couples and express clearly that you are no longer comfortable with this woman in your home or your neighborhood. If your husband is unwilling to address the issue with Jon, you may need to take the lead and speak up yourself.
Navigating Difficult Relationships
In a separate inquiry, a reader from Indiana shares the strain of a long-distance relationship complicated by the boyfriend’s decades-long friendship with his female boss. The writer describes the woman as a negative influence and notes that the boyfriend spends hours communicating with her daily, leading the reader to feel like a permanent third wheel. Despite expressing these concerns, the boyfriend remains defensive, leaving the reader at a crossroads.
Abigail Van Buren offers a sobering perspective: because this friendship predates the romantic relationship by nearly two decades, the lack of consideration for the reader’s feelings is telling. Her firm suggestion is to prioritize your own well-being by seeking a partner who offers the consideration you deserve.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
