Dear Annie: I’m tired of being my friend’s unpaid therapist

Dear Annie: It is a classic one-sided dynamic. A reader recently wrote into 205focus.com expressing frustration over a friendship that has turned into a source of exhaustion. They describe a companion who relies on them for everything—from crisis management and late-night venting to basic life advice—yet vanishes the moment the roles are reversed.

The One-Sided Struggle

The writer details a recurring pattern: they are always there with tissues and soup when their friend is in trouble, but when they attempt to discuss their own family struggles, the friend barely acknowledges it. Instead of reciprocating support, the friend quickly pivots back to their own workplace drama or neighbor disputes. Despite knowing every intimate detail of the friend's marriage and schedule, the writer finds their own life experiences met with phone-checking, distractions, or abrupt goodbyes.

Setting Boundaries

The reader asks how to step back from this role of an unpaid therapist without being unnecessarily cruel. Annie Lane’s advice is straightforward: A friendship should function as a two-way street, not a toll road where only one person carries the burden. The recommendation is to limit the friend's access, stop being the default rescue service, and dedicate less time to the relationship. If the friendship fades once the emotional emergency room closes, the reader will have their answer.

More Advice

For more columns, check out the Dear Annie archives or browse other advice content available via 205focus.com.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication, and reconciliation—is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.