Dear Annie: My sister-in-law criticizes everything I do, and my husband won’t help

Dear Annie: One reader is feeling the heat in her own kitchen, and it has nothing to do with the oven. She writes that her sister-in-law has turned every family gathering into a personal courtroom where she is always the defendant.

A Hostess Under Fire

For years, this dedicated host has handled all the heavy lifting for holidays, birthdays, and Sunday dinners. Despite her efforts to cook, clean, and welcome everyone, her sister-in-law makes it a point to highlight every perceived shortcoming. From calling out a dry turkey to mocking store-bought desserts, the guest of honor’s critic hides her barbs behind a smile, making any protest from the host seem like an overreaction.

The situation reached a breaking point after a recent dinner. The sister-in-law arrived late, contributed nothing to the meal, complained about the food, and then posted a photo online labeling it a “nice little attempt at Thanksgiving.” While the rest of the family laughed, the host was left feeling belittled. Making matters worse, her husband insists she just ignore the behavior because “that’s just how she is.” Now, she is threatening to stop hosting altogether unless her husband starts standing up for her.

Expert Advice

Dear Reader: It is time to drop the pretense. Your sister-in-law isn’t joking—she is serving up thinly veiled insults. Your husband needs to realize that maintaining family peace shouldn't come at the cost of your self-respect. It is perfectly reasonable to tell him, “I am happy to host when I am treated with respect. If you want your sister here, I need you to back me up.”

When she takes another dig at your cooking or hospitality, try a direct, calm approach: smile and tell her, “How kind of you to notice. You’re welcome to host next year.” Then, simply move on with the meal and let the silence send the message for you.

Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns on 205focus.com.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology—featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation—is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.