Miss Manners: Is my friend timing his visit to avoid buying a wedding gift?
A letter writer questions whether their friend is being inappropriate by declining a wedding invitation but planning to socialize with wedding guests the following day without sending a gift.
Liam Carter 
Is it a faux pas to hang out with wedding guests while skipping the big event itself? Miss Manners weighs in on a common social conundrum in this week's advice column, originally featured on AL.com.
The Wedding Guest Dilemma
A reader recently reached out regarding their friend, Clyde, who declined a wedding invitation from his old college roommate, Stan. Clyde opted out because he had never met the bride or the groom. However, plans changed when Clyde realized he would be traveling to the city where the wedding was being held. He decided to time his arrival for the day after the ceremony, specifically to catch up with college friends who would still be in town.
When the letter writer questioned whether Clyde should send a gift, he noted that he did not plan to, since he was skipping the festivities. The writer suggested that some might view this as avoiding a "price of admission," but Miss Manners dismissed the concern, telling the writer that they were unnecessarily making trouble where none existed.
To Gift or Not to Gift?
The column also addressed a separate inquiry from a reader who was not invited to their niece's wedding and wondered if sending a gift would be appropriate. Miss Manners clarified that a wedding gift should not be viewed as a transaction or an entry fee.
"Someone who cares about the people involved in a wedding enough to attend will also want to give something symbolic of good wishes," Miss Manners wrote. "Anyone who doesn’t care all that much need only decline and offer written good wishes."
She added a note of caution: because some people mistakenly believe a gift is a "ticket" to an invitation, those who were not invited might consider waiting until after the ceremony to send their well wishes to avoid creating an awkward expectation for the couple.
Get in Touch
Do you have a social etiquette question for the experts? You can reach out to Miss Manners via her official website, send an email to dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or send a letter via postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
