Asking Eric: Caregiving costs spark resentment and burnout
A woman overwhelmed by caregiving costs and betrayal struggles with anger and resentment after her mother-in-law’s decline and financial losses derail her own retirement plans.
Liam Carter 
Caregiving is a deeply personal commitment, but for many, the financial and emotional toll can reach a breaking point. In this week's advice column for 205focus.com, R. Eric Thomas tackles the heavy realities of burnout and the frustration that comes when caregiving responsibilities derail personal futures.
The Cost of Care
One reader wrote in regarding her 90-year-old mother-in-law, whose rapid cognitive and physical decline has placed an immense burden on her family. With assisted living costs hitting $8,500 monthly and a predatory insurance plan change leaving the mother-in-law without rehab coverage, the family has already drained $60,000 in liquid savings. To make matters worse, the mother-in-law recently lost an additional $42,000 to an overseas internet scam. The reader, now 67, fears her own retirement plans are slipping away, leaving her with feelings of deep resentment.
Eric advises the reader to consult a financial advisor and an attorney immediately to explore sustainable options. He emphasizes the importance of establishing financial power of attorney to better manage the mother-in-law's estate and protect the couple's remaining stability.
Navigating Domestic Strains
In another letter, an exhausted 73-year-old sister shares her struggle caring for her 65-year-old brother. After moving in to support him following the death of his wife in 2023, she is now managing all household chores and his complex medical needs. However, the situation has become increasingly difficult due to his incontinence and his refusal to cooperate with necessary hygiene protocols.
Eric encourages a direct, reality-based conversation about household management. By moving the focus from blame to capacity—and potentially seeking outside help from a social worker or senior manager—the sister can address the unsustainable nature of their current arrangement without ignoring the tension already present in the home.
Expert Advice
Read more from Asking Eric and check out other advice columns here at 205focus.com.
Send your questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
