Dear Abby: I can’t forgive myself for staying in an abusive relationship that hurt my daughters

A Mother Burdened by the Past

A mother reaches out to Abigail Van Buren, struggling with the heavy guilt of remaining in an abusive relationship for 15 years. Citing a history of personal emotional challenges, the reader admits that her decision to stay long-term negatively impacted her two daughters. The situation intensified after the children left home to live with their fathers, with the mother noting that her own emotional well-being continued to deteriorate.

The reader expresses deep sorrow, observing that her daughters struggled significantly after leaving, eventually quitting school and facing early parenthood. Despite having finally left her abusive partner, the mother feels disconnected from her children and trapped by her own internal pain, questioning if she will ever find peace.

Seeking a Path Forward

In response, Van Buren emphasizes the necessity of the reader prioritizing her own recovery. She recommends utilizing the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which provides resources and counseling for those experiencing abuse. Regarding her daughters, Van Buren notes that healing for them depends on their own willingness to seek support, and that the hotline remains a vital resource when they are prepared to address their own challenges.

Revisiting a Complicated Past

In a separate inquiry, a reader from Texas shares a dilemma regarding her ex-partner. After 18 years of silence, the two reconnected to discuss their son and realized their current romantic lives are fraught with toxicity. The reader, who is currently in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship, reports that her feelings for her ex have resurfaced.

Van Buren advises that escaping an abusive partnership is a priority, regardless of what follows. While she acknowledges the potential for a renewed connection with the ex-partner, she urges caution and recommends that the pair pursue couples counseling to navigate their shared history and personal baggage before moving forward.

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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.