Asking Eric: Friends don’t reciprocate moving help
A parent is frustrated that his son’s girlfriend’s friends refused to help them move despite receiving help themselves earlier.
Liam Carter 
Dear Moving: It is frustrating when friends fail to reciprocate the effort of a move. When your son and his girlfriend previously helped these same friends settle into a new home, they set a standard of support that was unfortunately not returned. As you noted, the girlfriend’s calls went unanswered while you and your wife stepped in to assist with the move yourselves.
The litmus test of moving
The short answer is selfishness. Moving is often considered a litmus test for friendship. While the adage says a friend will help you move, the reality is that it is a big ask. Some friends may lack the physical ability, time, or desire to help, which is perfectly acceptable. However, the breakdown here lies in communication. A good friend makes their intentions clear, and in this case, the friends failed to do so. Your son and his girlfriend are learning a lesson in surrounding themselves with more reliable company.
Addressing a toxic living situation
In a separate inquiry, a mother wrote in concerning a “live-in boyfriend” who has taken a domineering and disrespectful attitude toward her family. After failing to contribute his share of the mortgage and nearly causing the daughter to lose her home, the situation escalated when the mother addressed the issue. The boyfriend responded with insults and accusations, even claiming the grandkids did not want to be around her.
Dear Mom, you are not wrong to demand respect. This behavior appears to go beyond simple rudeness; it mirrors signs of emotional abuse, specifically isolation. Attempting to drive a wedge between family members is a major red flag.
It is vital to have a private, candid conversation with your daughter about these patterns of control and aggression. Focus the discussion on her well-being rather than just the apology you are owed. Encourage her to seek support, and provide her with resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-SAFE or TheHotline.org). These behaviors are often early indicators of escalation and should be addressed immediately.
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