Dear Abby: I respect my niece’s privacy, but her boyfriend’s secrecy worries me
An uncle is concerned that his niece’s longtime boyfriend has avoided meeting almost everyone in her family. Although she has met his relatives, he continues to skip family gatherings and invitations.
Liam Carter 
Dear Abby: A reader from Tennessee is grappling with a long-term family mystery. Their niece has been seeing a man she met online for over four years, yet he remains a complete stranger to the rest of the family. Despite invitations to holidays, birthday parties, and even a wedding, the boyfriend has consistently avoided meeting her relatives. Curiously, the niece has integrated herself into his family life and stays connected with them on social media. While some family members argue it is her life to live, the uncle is left questioning why, if the family holds any value, this partner remains hidden from view.
The Hidden Boyfriend
Abby notes that such extreme secrecy is indeed odd. She advises the uncle to move past the speculation and have a direct, honest conversation with his niece. Questions regarding cultural or religious differences, age gaps, or even more serious concerns—like whether the man is incarcerated—are impossible to answer without communication. You won't know the truth unless you find the courage to ask.
A Marriage Defined by Double Standards
In a separate inquiry, a reader from Connecticut is struggling with a volatile marital situation. His wife of seven years frequently visits her ex-husband, both with and without the ex’s spouse present. However, she holds her husband to a completely different standard, forbidding him from interacting with any woman from his past unless she is there to supervise.
The husband notes that his wife suffers from major depression but refuses counseling. Given her history of infidelity, he is left wondering if he is wrong to be hurt. Abby is firm in her response: the reader is absolutely entitled to be upset. She points out that the wife is living by a blatant double standard. Abby suggests that the husband is the one who truly needs professional support, as the necessity of writing in for advice suggests the relationship is far from the happy union he deserves.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
