Dear Annie: Mom hides her pills and says taking them makes her feel old

Managing the health of an aging parent is a delicate balancing act, especially when independence is on the line. A reader recently wrote into 205focus.com seeking advice on how to handle an 88-year-old mother who is fiercely independent—still driving and volunteering—but refuses to take necessary medication for her blood pressure and heart condition.

The Struggle for Autonomy

The daughter notes that her mother often hides her pills or claims to have taken them when she hasn't, citing that the medication makes her feel "old." While the daughter and her siblings are understandably worried about the risk of a stroke or heart attack, the resulting confrontations only serve to make the mother feel as though she is being treated like a child.

A Shift in Strategy

Annie Lane suggests that the mother’s refusal likely stems from a desire to maintain control rather than a lack of understanding regarding her health risks. To move past the gridlock, Lane advises stopping the arguments and shifting toward a partnership approach.

The recommendation is to consult with the physician about potential side effects, the possibility of simpler dosing, or alternative medications. By positioning the doctor as the authority, the family can express their love and respect for her independence without turning every interaction into a battle. As Lane puts it, love can serve as a reminder, but it cannot force someone into wisdom.

More from Annie Lane

For more guidance, check out additional installments of Dear Annie or browse other advice columns. You can also find Annie Lane’s latest anthology, How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?, at Creators Publishing, or reach out with your own questions via email at dearannie@creators.com.