Asking Eric: Handyman anxiety sparks repair drama
A woman struggles with her husband’s anxiety-driven resistance to hiring professionals for home repairs, causing repeated conflict and stress.
Liam Carter 
Dear Eric: My husband and I don't possess a lick of handyman skill, and frankly, my husband has zero interest in tackling home repairs himself. Despite our comfortable financial situation, he insists on inventing creative, temporary workarounds for every issue—from faulty toilet mechanisms to broken ceiling fans—rather than hiring a professional.
The Cycle of Repair Anxiety
Our routine has become a predictable source of stress. We endure days or even weeks of these makeshift fixes until I finally hit a breaking point and insist on calling a pro. That is when the drama peaks: my husband explodes, attempts to gaslight me by insisting everything is fine, and drags his feet even after I book a technician. Curiously, once the work is actually finished, he is perfectly content and relieved to have it resolved.
We are retired, and this pattern has persisted for years. Even when he was hospitalized for a two-week stretch, I handled a few repairs while he was away, and he was genuinely happy with the results. It was significantly less stressful for both of us. Why does this trigger such anxiety, and how can I stop the unnecessary friction?
Eric’s Advice
Dear Mrs. Fix-It: You are carrying a double burden: not only are you managing the home repairs, but you are also forced to navigate your husband's emotional reactions to them. This cycle is unfair and is causing genuine damage to your marriage. Whether his resistance stems from a wounded ego or another underlying issue, it is not your job to fix his reaction—it is his.
Before the next blowup, have a blunt conversation about this destructive cycle. Explain that while the repairs are minor, his response makes them major obstacles. You might even show him this letter. Demand to know how he intends to address this behavior himself, as this is one problem he must solve on his own.
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Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
