Asking Eric: Learning to listen instead of interrupting

Communication is a two-way street, but for many, staying in their own lane during a conversation is a recurring struggle. Whether it is the fear of losing a clever thought or an overzealous need to contribute, the urge to interrupt is a common hurdle. Fortunately, as one reader shared, self-awareness is the first step toward mastering the art of listening.

The Path to Better Listening

A reader who identified as a former chronic interrupter offered a candid look at why they used to cut people off. The reasons varied from thinking they had something more impressive to say, to feeling like they were rescuing the other person, or simply wanting to share their own enthusiasm. By silently auditing these impulses, the writer discovered that they could replace the urge to interrupt with the practice of active listening. Silence, they noted, truly is a virtue.

Handling the Nonstop Talker

Of course, the problem is not always one's own habit—sometimes, it is dealing with someone who never stops. One reader wrote in about a friend whose 40-minute drive to an event was consumed by a monologue about pantry organization and book plot details, leaving no room for a two-way conversation. While the reader struggled with being annoyed and bored, they were also hesitant to hurt their friend's feelings.

R. Eric Thomas suggests that the best approach is to stop waiting for a natural break and instead use polite, assertive interjections. Chatty individuals often realize they are talking a lot and generally do not mind a conversational timeout. Try using phrases like:

• "Hold that thought…"
• "Can we slow the conversation down for a minute? I need to catch up."
• "That reminds me of a great story. Could you pause for a second so I can share it with you?"

Ultimately, Thomas advises against labeling a friend's talkativeness as a clinical diagnosis. Approach the situation with curiosity rather than irritation, and remember that calling a timeout can be done with grace.

Connect with R. Eric Thomas

For more insights, you can read more from Asking Eric and check out other advice columns curated for 205focus.com readers.

Do you have a question? Send your inquiries to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or via mail at P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. You can also follow his updates on Instagram or sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.