Dear Abby: No one wants our dear friend’s demanding wife on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise

A group of college friends—a tight-knit circle of 10 couples—is currently facing a difficult dilemma. While seven of these couples have enjoyed long-term marriages spanning over 25 years, the group has evolved over the last decade, with some members divorcing and remarrying. Now, one man’s new wife is causing significant friction. The group adores the husband, but they describe his spouse as self-centered, demanding, and prone to narcissistic behavior.

Cruising for Trouble

As the friends plan a milestone, once-in-a-lifetime cruise, the consensus is clear: no one wants this particular wife on board. They fear, based on previous interactions, that her presence will inevitably sink the trip. Seeking guidance on how to navigate this without destroying a lifelong friendship, the group turned to Dear Abby for advice on who should deliver the message and how to handle such a delicate exclusion.

Abigail Van Buren cautions that there is no easy way to deliver this news without risking the alienation of the husband. If he feels forced to choose between his spouse and his friends, the friendship may suffer. However, if the group is firm in their decision, they owe him a candid, private conversation led by the person closest to him. It is essential to be direct, referencing specific past incidents where the group felt the trip was compromised by her behavior.

Alternatively, the group might consider extending a solo invitation to the husband, offering him a chance to enjoy time away from his spouse.

Friendship Strained by Hostility

In a separate plea for help, a reader known as "Stuck Friend in Illinois" shared their own struggle. Having been best friends with "Eva" for over 25 years, the reader is tired of dealing with Eva’s husband, "Dan." The two have historically maintained a "civil and neutral" relationship, often avoiding each other when gatherings occur at their home. However, recent insults from Dan have pushed the reader to a breaking point.

Despite Eva promising to speak with her husband, the behavior continues and appears to be brushed off. Abby advises that it is time for a serious follow-up conversation with Eva. If Dan refuses to act like a gentleman, the best course of action may be to change the setting of their hangouts—meeting instead at the reader's home or in public venues where Dan does not have to be present.

Read more Dear Abby and other advice columns on 205focus.com.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.