Miss Manners: Is wearing a white shirt under a suit inappropriate for weddings?
A woman asks whether wearing a white shirt under a three-piece black suit to a wedding is inappropriate, after witnessing a social media post about a guest who was treated viciously for doing so.
Liam Carter 
Is a white shirt under a suit a fashion faux pas at a wedding? Judith Martin, better known as Miss Manners, recently addressed this concern following a viral social media account of a wedding guest who faced vicious backlash for her choice of attire. The guest, wearing a black three-piece suit with a white shirt to her brother’s wedding, was met with hostility that escalated to the groom’s mother intentionally spilling red wine on her and the groom declaring she was “dead” to him.
The absurdity of wedding dress codes
While common etiquette suggests guests avoid wearing white dresses to weddings, Miss Manners clarifies that this rule does not logically extend to white shirts worn under suits. If the rule were strictly applied to all white clothing, the majority of male attendees at a typical wedding would likely find themselves covered in red wine as well. Miss Manners notes that such a reaction is both absurd and cruel, adding that she would prefer to ignore the fact that the black suit itself was also a poor choice, as black is traditionally viewed as funereal or a sign of protest.
Tradition versus modern expectations
In a separate inquiry, a reader questioned whether it is appropriate for a friend to plan a traditional “first-time” style wedding—complete with a white gown, registry, and lavish celebration—for her third marriage. While some traditionalists might feel this is out of place, Miss Manners explains that the concept of the white wedding dress as a symbol of virginity is a long-standing misinterpretation.
Since Queen Victoria first popularized the white wedding dress, it has evolved into a standard uniform for brides regardless of their marital history, age, or circumstances. Miss Manners argues that the history of judging whether a bride is “entitled” to wear white is far more distasteful than the act of wearing the dress itself, and she encourages readers to stop speculating about the private lives of others.
For more etiquette guidance, you can reach out to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, via email at dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
